Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Farewell, my Naughty Step

Sad times chez IKINTST.

The Naughty Step is no more.

Walk up our staircase these days and there's no chance that you'll suddenly find yourself compelled to sit down and think about what you've done. (At least not unless drink has been taken, and you realise attempting to take the whole staircase in one go is a tad overambitious.) The third step no longer houses Naughty People, and now merely sports fluff and the occasional mountineering spider.

Mr Jamie is devastated.

"What do you MEAN we don't have a Naughty Step any more Mummy? Of course we do. Look. I'll show you. There it is."

"That's not a Naughty Step. That's just a normal stair. The Naughty Step got taken away."

"Oh. Will it ever come back again?"

"Not a chance."

Before you accuse me of having taken leave of my senses (more so than usual, I mean), there is a very, very good reason for this. And the very good reason for this is that Mr Jamie had used all his wile and cunning to start to use the Naughty Step for his own benefit. It was no longer me and the Naughty Step in charge of discipline. It was Mr Jamie and - well - Mr Jamie.

Household task you want to get out of? No problem. "I can't do that Mummy. I have been very naughty. I'm going off to sit on my bottom for a little bit and think about what I've done."

Sister bothering you? Perfect solution. "Jamie, what are you doing with Beth? Why is she shouting?" "She's shouting because she doesn't want to sit on the Naughty Step Mummy, but I am putting her there because she has eaten my toast and she needs to go and think about what she has done."

And worst of all ... parent in need of a dressing down ...?

"Mummy?"

"Yes Jamie?"

"We need to have a little chat."

"Excellent. What would you like to chat about?"

"You know that mess in your room?"

"Always."

"Well have you cleared it up yet?"

"Um ... no. But that's okay."

"No Mummy. No, it's NOT okay. Because I have told you about this before. And Daddy will be very angry with you. Now you must go and sit on your bottom on the Naughty Step and think about what you've done. Go on. Off you go. Beth and me will time you for how old you are. How many millions are you again?"

Bloody-mother-fucking-bastard-wanking Naughty Step. Begone. And never darken my doorstep again.

4 comments:

The Moiderer said...

The little one has always laughed in the face of the concept of a naughty spot or step. Literally. She loves it. Giggles, goes there on her own. We considered a cage? (joking if social services are reading)

Timos said...

I am SO fucking proud of my little Jamie.

Good lad.

The Handmade Mum said...

Haha this is brilliant, I certainly don't think it always works!

KT said...

TM - I am SERIOUSLY up for a cage. This is not a joke ;)

Timothy - and he you, I'm sure ;)

THM - never did I quite think it would come back to bite my arse so much!

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